What's Going On...

This is getting out of control. Really. This crush has me going all shades of mental and analytical. All because we are going to the movies on Thursday. And it's totally my doing. I mentioned & I asked so I know I did it to myself. And it's funny because I really wanted him to say yes but had I KNOWN what this was going to do to me I might have shut up. And this comes off the heals of him pissing me off loyally. Oh I so wanted to beat him.

I was at Kai's watching the VMA's when her mom called. Well her mom works in my dept at The Box. And is really good friends with my future team leader. Well Kai's mom found that I was on a list to possibly sent to another team because there were too many people on my Team Leader's team. So of course Kai told me & I in turn told the PB. But I ONLY mentioned it was ME on the list but I was looking into his name too. He was like oh ok, keep me informed.
Fast forward to our team meeting on Thursday. We are leaving with our team leader, chit chatting, when he goes and ASKS our team leader about it!! AND SAID HE HEARD it from a coworker!! OMG!! That was PRIVILEGED INFO! I know he was just trying to verify & clarify but still! And it IS my fault for not saying keep it to yourself but seriously. And when he and Team Leader walked away, I wanted to beat him. Instead I walked to the other end of the building and called Kai. She also agreed that he needed his ass beat but reminded me work was not the place. Well it was time to go back on the phone but I waited for him so I could go off on him. But then he gave this smile and I lost my nerve. But yeah. We are going to have a serious talk about him & how he needs to NOT mess with my connections.

But anyways. So back to Thursday. It's not REALLY a date. It's a non-date date. But the fact that we are going to be alone, FINALLY, brings the potential of more. Or brings the potential of NOTHING. And that is what is scares me. That he'll drop the "F" bomb on my ass. And by "F" bomb I mean "FRIEND" me. Or he'll do something and I'll think it's something else and misinterpret it and I will scare him off and we are no longer cool.

GOD THIS SUCKS! It's becoming a daily struggle to NOT imagine how it would be to kiss him and have his arms around me again. And I think really soon those daydreams and fantasies will be urges that will be even HARDER to hold back. I wish I was psychic, even just a LITTLE, so I could get SOME CLUE to how he sees me. But thinking about it, he HAS to think I am somewhat cool. I mean, what guy would let some girl he's known for less than 3 months sleep over on his couch in his place he's had for less than 3 weeks? And what guy would even consider going to Vegas, even though he is UNDERAGE, with some girl he, again, hasn't know for all that long if he didn't think she was a good time. Lol. I meant good time as in fun to be around. And what guy would just SPILL all his business about his past relationship with his ex if he didn't think I was worth telling it to because it was obviously hard for him to do. I am TRYING to be patient and positive and just let things happen but that scares me to no end because I don't want to be "Friend Girl". I really don't.

Anyways, on a more HAPPIER NOTE, I leave with this:

MY GIRLS ROCK!!! MIGHTY MERCURY!!!


	September 17, 2007 at 4:26 a.m. This is getting out of control. Really. This crush has me going all shades of mental and analytical. All because we are going to the movies on Thursday. And it's totally my doing. I mentioned & I asked so I know I did it to myself. And it's funny because I really wanted him to say yes but had I KNOWN what this was going to do to me I might have shut up. And this comes off the heals of him pissing me off loyally. Oh I so wanted to beat him. I was at Kai's watching the VMA's when her mom called. Well her mom works in my dept at The Box. And is really good friends with my future team leader. Well Kai's mom found that I was on a list to possibly sent to another team because there were too many people on my Team Leader's team. So of course Kai told me & I in turn told the PB. But I ONLY mentioned it was ME on the list but I was looking into his name too. He was like oh ok, keep me informed. Fast forward to our team meeting on Thursday. We are leaving with our team leader, chit chatting, when he goes and ASKS our team leader about it!! AND SAID HE HEARD it from a coworker!! OMG!! That was PRIVILEGED INFO! I know he was just trying to verify & clarify but still! And it IS my fault for not saying keep it to yourself but seriously. And when he and Team Leader walked away, I wanted to beat him. Instead I walked to the other end of the building and called Kai. She also agreed that he needed his ass beat but reminded me work was not the place. Well it was time to go back on the phone but I waited for him so I could go off on him. But then he gave this smile and I lost my nerve. But yeah. We are going to have a serious talk about him & how he needs to NOT mess with my connections. But anyways. So back to Thursday. It's not REALLY a date. It's a non-date date. But the fact that we are going to be alone, FINALLY, brings the potential of more. Or brings the potential of NOTHING. And that is what is scares me. That he'll drop the "F" bomb on my ass. And by "F" bomb I mean "FRIEND" me. Or he'll do something and I'll think it's something else and misinterpret it and I will scare him off and we are no longer cool. GOD THIS SUCKS! It's becoming a daily struggle to NOT imagine how it would be to kiss him and have his arms around me again. And I think really soon those daydreams and fantasies will be urges that will be even HARDER to hold back. I wish I was psychic, even just a LITTLE, so I could get SOME CLUE to how he sees me. But thinking about it, he HAS to think I am somewhat cool. I mean, what guy would let some girl he's known for less than 3 months sleep over on his couch in his place he's had for less than 3 weeks? And what guy would even consider going to Vegas, even though he is UNDERAGE, with some girl he, again, hasn't know for all that long if he didn't think she was a good time. Lol. I meant good time as in fun to be around. And what guy would just SPILL all his business about his past relationship with his ex if he didn't think I was worth telling it to because it was obviously hard for him to do. I am TRYING to be patient and positive and just let things happen but that scares me to no end because I don't want to be "Friend Girl". I really don't. Anyways, on a more HAPPIER NOTE, I leave with this: MY GIRLS ROCK!!! MIGHTY MERCURY!!!