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"The Hellspot Finale"

Countdowns:
11 days til Beyonce in concert.
12 days til Mandy Moore in concert.
19 days til Las Vegas!!
44 days til Hollywood!

Song of the Day: No More Drama by Mary J. Blige.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETRA!

Watching AMC right now. Yes at 230a. I like when that happens. Anyways, I am SO LOST. I have NO IDEA who these people are. And where did all these kids come from? And why is Kendall's baby named Spike? WTF? And this new Greenlee kinda sucks. Now I was never a Greenlee fan but I did grow to like her when she was with Leo, who I did love. Josh Duhamel is so fine. Ahhh....the good ol' days when Leo was shirtless ALL THE TIME. Anyways. Yeah. Confused.

Anyways, so yeah. It's been an interesting few weeks. I left my job. I was having a dilemma: to leave or not to leave. Well after going back and forth forever, I decided to leave The Hellspot. It was so hard to come to that conclusion, even though for almost 5 years I was just their bitch. It really wasn't about the company though. I (for the most part) loved my job. Yeah, I hated taking calls but I loved the other parts. Especially, when I really didn't have to do shit!! And I REALLY loved my co-workers. They are truly some of the most wonderful people I have ever known. But I knew deep down that if I didn't leave, I wouldn't be able to do alot of the stuff I need to take care of.
So after putting it off for 4 days and talking with my supervisor Lionel and my other assistant Des, I went into the Operations Managers (Scheduling Cow & Customer Service Lackey Bitch Boy's) office. I just told them I had to talk to them and they were like sure come in. And when I got in there, I damn near panicked and had 2nd doubts. (And I could totally see Des & Lionel looking!) Finally, I was like, "This is really hard for me but I need to put in my notice." And then I got nothing. "Oh." the Scheduling Cow said. "OK. When will be your last day?" she asked. And then I told her only a week and I was really sorry I didn't let them now sooner but it was really hard to decide and only had decided to at the last minute. Nothing again. Then the Cow goes, "OK can you put that in writing and close the door when you are finished?" And I just sat there, waiting for something, ANYTHING to see if they wanted me to stay. But I still got nothing. When I finished writing, still nothing. I just walked out of the office and was numb.

When I got back to my desk, Lionel asked, "What happened? Did they ask you to stay?" I really couldn't look at him because I still couldn't believe what happened. I finally told him no and started back on my work. "What?! You're playing right?" he said. Again, I told him no and pulled out my cell and sent Kai and Fab a text telling them I did it. That's when the Cow & Bitch Boy called and asked to speak to Lionel to grill him. Wonderful. Well, it wasn't for long because it got busy and had to call and ask the Lackey Bitch a question and then told him it was busy. So when Lionel came back I had to ask what did they want. He gave me a look and I knew it wasn't good. It was STILL busy so he said I'll tell you later. OK well it stayed busy and I could not talk to him. In the meanwhile the Cow & Lackey didn't waste anytime sending out an email to everyone saying I had put my notice in. Then came the calls. My friends were not happy that they did nothing which made me feel a little bit better. Anyways, by the time it was time for me to go to lunch, AGAIN the Cow & Lackey called Lionel into the office. He was in there for awhile and when he finally came back he had to go to lunch!! So again I couldn't talk to him. By now it's late and we are both almost done for the day, when my other supervisor, Patty, came in. Me & her are really close so I knew I had to tell her before she read that email. So after she clocked in, I told her I needed to tell her something before she read the email. I tried to not cry but I couldn't help it and then I told her. She got this so sad look on her face. And then she asked if they offered anything and I said no. They did nothing. She gave the same "What?!" Lionel did.

It was time for me to leave so I did and thanked God it was Thursday because I was off the next day. When I got home I was so angry and really wanted to throw shit but then I just started crying. Crying because I was mad and sad and felt like I was nothing because I couldn't believe they didn't want me to stay. After EVERYTHING I have done and had to give up for that company, all the HARD WORK I did, I did not warrant a "Please Stay, You're Important to Us". I just cried myself to sleep.

So the next day I got up and was just messin' around online when Lionel text me asking me to come in because they were short handed. Now, usually I don't get called because they KNOW Friday is the one day I don't work. But if Lionel or any of the other cool supervisors call me I know it's bad and they know I won't leave them hanging. So I told him yeah I would. 1). To stick it to them and 2). B/c I kinda needed all the hours I could get! So I get dressed and I get to the Hellspot. When, I walk in the door, the Cow gave this surprised look, like she couldn't believe that I was there. What a bitch. Anyways, I tried to get to work but all of Customer Service was still up in arms about me leaving and ALL had to have me in their office to tell me. Finally, I sat down and started on my stuff. That's when Lionel AGAIN got called into their office. I am just mad now that they are hassling him and text vented my anger to Rosie. Anyways, checkout came and went and the Cow & Lackey were FINALLY leaving. Before she left, the Cow comes up to me and says in her fake ass voice, "Thank you for coming in today." I just glared at her and said, "Yeah, Lionel knows I won't leave him out to dry." What a bitch. Anyways, after that it was time for me to leave.

So I come in the next day at 8a and everything is ok. More people find out and get mad because they did nothing and it made me feel loved in that aspect at least. Then Lionel comes in and he finally was able to tell me what they told him. Basically, they were waiting for ME to go to them (SO WASN'T HAPPENING and they knew that). So in the mean time to get me to talk to them, they told him that they weren't asking me to stay because of all the time off I ask for, how I lack some professionalism in the way I dress, and how I don't talk to them. He said he couldn't believe it and I was like, huh? They were bitching about ME not talking to them but how come in the ENTIRE FOUR AND A HALF YEARS I have been working there I hadn't heard ANYTHING ABOUT this UNTIL NOW? In all that time I have been talked to TWICE about what I wear. Once was my own fault b/c I just went straight from school in a jean skirt but the 2nd time I ASKED where it said I COULD NOT wear cordoroy. What the hell ever. I asked how come they have never said anything about it. He said that THEY SAID it's up to the SUPERVISORS to determine what is appropriate. OK THAT is bull. I have been thru OVER TEN supervisors (Yeah, I know. And usually it's the Kiss of Death for them when I am on their team!) and none of them had ever said anything about what I wear but I KNOW they have had to say something to other people when ADMIN thought it was inappropriate. (Perfect example: Sarah and her sagging pants that show her holey underwear) And by the way, I have EIGHT Hellspot shirts.

And my schedule, yeah, I ask for a lot of time off but usually I ask for it to be my scheduled day off during the week. And what the hell is my PTO for if I CAN'T use it? And I asked the question, ok so what were they going to do when in September when my time DOUBLED? Get mad at me for using it or not using it? Yeah. Make up your mind. Well he said that some people had complained that they couldn't get some time off b/c I had already scheduled it. Well excuse me for being under the impression of what YOU HAVE said is 1st come, 1st served. And I told him that and said it was the same thing for me. I couldn't get some days off because someone else had asked for it off FIRST. But again, what the hell ever. And then he brought up the topic of not talking to them again. I was like WHAT IN THE HELL am I going to talk to them about? The really only big complaint I have is with my schedule but if there is a REALLY big problem I am in her office STAT. And she knows that. And then he said well they bought up wanting the Sundays and how come she didn't ask. I got dumbfounded. I was like, I did. AND I GOT TURNED DOWN! And then you go and turn around and give them TO CHRISTEN? Who you HATED and were looking for ANY reason to get rid of her? WTF?

So he then was like you know if you stay they have said you can a weekend day off, I'll just have a day off during the week. I was like what? NO! I started to cry and was like no that's so not fair because you're a supervisor and they have make it known to me on MORE than one occasion that I am not on your guys' level and I am just an operator w/ benefits. Oh I got so mad because here he was trying to BARGAIN with them and it still didn't matter. He was so awesome and I just feel so bad that he had to put with that when it's wasn't even his fight or his job. He said they really weren't giving with the examples of WHAT the problems were so he thinks that maybe they were just picking on whatever because there really is nothing hard core for them to complain about and that they were still mad at me for not becoming a supervisor. Errgg.... He was cool. He was like I want you to stay but I don't want you to be unhappy so it's up to you about what you do. After what he told me it was time for me to go and I WAS really not in the mood for them on Monday and had decided I was just going to not say anything and concentrate on getting through this week. Well right then, Kay, one of the nice and sweetest older ladies you will ever met, found out and came up to me and just told me she heard and had tears in her eyes and was so upset and gave me a hug. Then I just lost it and was completely bawling on the way to the parking lot.
But at least the rest of my week went better (minus my bullshit meeting with the Cow & the Lackey but that was nothing but a total guilt trip for them). THAT was a surprise in and of itself because I ACTUALLY got to finish my week. The Hellspot is known for telling people to not even bother with their two weeks. So on my last day, I did what I normally did, took calls, delivered files and faxes. It was kinda like a regular day. And I got through ok. Even when I had to say good-bye to Lionel, Patty, & everyone else. It was my last call that got to me. I was confirming a stat call from the hospital and it was good. I hung up and yelled out, "Stat confirmed." And then that was it. I was done. Four plus years of my life, over. It was somewhat overwhelming and surreal. But what's done is done. And I made my choice and they made theirs. Good-bye Hellspot.

I don't know what to think. It's A LOT of stuff they want me to learn. Say. Do. BE. And then there is my class, which about 90% (there are 12 of us) are under 25 years old. Of those HALF can't even buy liquor. I kinda feel like the old lady out and really haven't made any friends. Oh well. I don't know what to make of it. So it really hasn't been the best moral booster. I was never one to worry about age because some of my really good friends are younger than me. My one good friend Kristina is 19!! And my super kick ass D-Land girl, Robyn is 21! So I don't know. I did come realize though that the Hellspot kinda brainwashed me into not getting close to the other employees so maybe that's the reason because for so long, I've had to wait and see on who I can trust and who I let trust me. Oh well.

The past week has been better though. My entire class and I kinda got separation anxiety and kinda attached ourselves to each other because it was our last week together before we got on the phones tomorrow and some of us go to the morning shift. We had a little get together on Friday at Applebee's where me & the PB (Pierced Boy) sat by each other. *Insert cheesy giddy girly smile* We were just talking and laughing and then Stayin' Alive came on and FOR SOME REASON we just started dancing in the booth. It was so fun! But it's kinda scary though how FAST these thoughts and feelings came on. It makes me question myself and wonder if I should get this giddy about something that may not happen. And then comes the "I KNOW he doesn't like girls like me" and "Why I am I even bothering with him cause he is too cute" stuff and all my other insecurities and doubts. I don't know. I am TRYING to be more....what's the wording I'm looking for? Open about what I want??? I don't know. But I've realized I hold back certain things. My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts. Not just with strangers but with everyone. I don't know why. Maybe I'm scared that seeing the ENTIRE me isn't something people will like.

Maybe today isn't the best to think about stuff because I am kind of emotionally hormonal right now. The past couple of weeks haven't been fun so I haven't been taking my birth control. I keep forgetting. Well, when I got home tonight a lot of stuff just hit me and I started to cry. Sometimes I wonder if it IS hormones or if I just have so many issues I am NOT resolving that I need a therapist. Could have also been updating the CAST page. That was hard.

Will talk about this weekend tomorrow. Wish me luck on the phones tomorrow!


	at 3:28 a.m. "The Hellspot Finale" Countdowns: 11 days til Beyonce in concert. 12 days til Mandy Moore in concert. 19 days til Las Vegas!! 44 days til Hollywood! Song of the Day: No More Drama by Mary J. Blige. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETRA! Watching AMC right now. Yes at 230a. I like when that happens. Anyways, I am SO LOST. I have NO IDEA who these people are. And where did all these kids come from? And why is Kendall's baby named Spike? WTF? And this new Greenlee kinda sucks. Now I was never a Greenlee fan but I did grow to like her when she was with Leo, who I did love. Josh Duhamel is so fine. Ahhh....the good ol' days when Leo was shirtless ALL THE TIME. Anyways. Yeah. Confused. Anyways, so yeah. It's been an interesting few weeks. I left my job. I was having a dilemma: to leave or not to leave. Well after going back and forth forever, I decided to leave The Hellspot. It was so hard to come to that conclusion, even though for almost 5 years I was just their bitch. It really wasn't about the company though. I (for the most part) loved my job. Yeah, I hated taking calls but I loved the other parts. Especially, when I really didn't have to do shit!! And I REALLY loved my co-workers. They are truly some of the most wonderful people I have ever known. But I knew deep down that if I didn't leave, I wouldn't be able to do alot of the stuff I need to take care of. So after putting it off for 4 days and talking with my supervisor Lionel and my other assistant Des, I went into the Operations Managers (Scheduling Cow & Customer Service Lackey Bitch Boy's) office. I just told them I had to talk to them and they were like sure come in. And when I got in there, I damn near panicked and had 2nd doubts. (And I could totally see Des & Lionel looking!) Finally, I was like, "This is really hard for me but I need to put in my notice." And then I got nothing. "Oh." the Scheduling Cow said. "OK. When will be your last day?" she asked. And then I told her only a week and I was really sorry I didn't let them now sooner but it was really hard to decide and only had decided to at the last minute. Nothing again. Then the Cow goes, "OK can you put that in writing and close the door when you are finished?" And I just sat there, waiting for something, ANYTHING to see if they wanted me to stay. But I still got nothing. When I finished writing, still nothing. I just walked out of the office and was numb. When I got back to my desk, Lionel asked, "What happened? Did they ask you to stay?" I really couldn't look at him because I still couldn't believe what happened. I finally told him no and started back on my work. "What?! You're playing right?" he said. Again, I told him no and pulled out my cell and sent Kai and Fab a text telling them I did it. That's when the Cow & Bitch Boy called and asked to speak to Lionel to grill him. Wonderful. Well, it wasn't for long because it got busy and had to call and ask the Lackey Bitch a question and then told him it was busy. So when Lionel came back I had to ask what did they want. He gave me a look and I knew it wasn't good. It was STILL busy so he said I'll tell you later. OK well it stayed busy and I could not talk to him. In the meanwhile the Cow & Lackey didn't waste anytime sending out an email to everyone saying I had put my notice in. Then came the calls. My friends were not happy that they did nothing which made me feel a little bit better. Anyways, by the time it was time for me to go to lunch, AGAIN the Cow & Lackey called Lionel into the office. He was in there for awhile and when he finally came back he had to go to lunch!! So again I couldn't talk to him. By now it's late and we are both almost done for the day, when my other supervisor, Patty, came in. Me & her are really close so I knew I had to tell her before she read that email. So after she clocked in, I told her I needed to tell her something before she read the email. I tried to not cry but I couldn't help it and then I told her. She got this so sad look on her face. And then she asked if they offered anything and I said no. They did nothing. She gave the same "What?!" Lionel did. It was time for me to leave so I did and thanked God it was Thursday because I was off the next day. When I got home I was so angry and really wanted to throw shit but then I just started crying. Crying because I was mad and sad and felt like I was nothing because I couldn't believe they didn't want me to stay. After EVERYTHING I have done and had to give up for that company, all the HARD WORK I did, I did not warrant a "Please Stay, You're Important to Us". I just cried myself to sleep. So the next day I got up and was just messin' around online when Lionel text me asking me to come in because they were short handed. Now, usually I don't get called because they KNOW Friday is the one day I don't work. But if Lionel or any of the other cool supervisors call me I know it's bad and they know I won't leave them hanging. So I told him yeah I would. 1). To stick it to them and 2). B/c I kinda needed all the hours I could get! So I get dressed and I get to the Hellspot. When, I walk in the door, the Cow gave this surprised look, like she couldn't believe that I was there. What a bitch. Anyways, I tried to get to work but all of Customer Service was still up in arms about me leaving and ALL had to have me in their office to tell me. Finally, I sat down and started on my stuff. That's when Lionel AGAIN got called into their office. I am just mad now that they are hassling him and text vented my anger to Rosie. Anyways, checkout came and went and the Cow & Lackey were FINALLY leaving. Before she left, the Cow comes up to me and says in her fake ass voice, "Thank you for coming in today." I just glared at her and said, "Yeah, Lionel knows I won't leave him out to dry." What a bitch. Anyways, after that it was time for me to leave. So I come in the next day at 8a and everything is ok. More people find out and get mad because they did nothing and it made me feel loved in that aspect at least. Then Lionel comes in and he finally was able to tell me what they told him. Basically, they were waiting for ME to go to them (SO WASN'T HAPPENING and they knew that). So in the mean time to get me to talk to them, they told him that they weren't asking me to stay because of all the time off I ask for, how I lack some professionalism in the way I dress, and how I don't talk to them. He said he couldn't believe it and I was like, huh? They were bitching about ME not talking to them but how come in the ENTIRE FOUR AND A HALF YEARS I have been working there I hadn't heard ANYTHING ABOUT this UNTIL NOW? In all that time I have been talked to TWICE about what I wear. Once was my own fault b/c I just went straight from school in a jean skirt but the 2nd time I ASKED where it said I COULD NOT wear cordoroy. What the hell ever. I asked how come they have never said anything about it. He said that THEY SAID it's up to the SUPERVISORS to determine what is appropriate. OK THAT is bull. I have been thru OVER TEN supervisors (Yeah, I know. And usually it's the Kiss of Death for them when I am on their team!) and none of them had ever said anything about what I wear but I KNOW they have had to say something to other people when ADMIN thought it was inappropriate. (Perfect example: Sarah and her sagging pants that show her holey underwear) And by the way, I have EIGHT Hellspot shirts. And my schedule, yeah, I ask for a lot of time off but usually I ask for it to be my scheduled day off during the week. And what the hell is my PTO for if I CAN'T use it? And I asked the question, ok so what were they going to do when in September when my time DOUBLED? Get mad at me for using it or not using it? Yeah. Make up your mind. Well he said that some people had complained that they couldn't get some time off b/c I had already scheduled it. Well excuse me for being under the impression of what YOU HAVE said is 1st come, 1st served. And I told him that and said it was the same thing for me. I couldn't get some days off because someone else had asked for it off FIRST. But again, what the hell ever. And then he brought up the topic of not talking to them again. I was like WHAT IN THE HELL am I going to talk to them about? The really only big complaint I have is with my schedule but if there is a REALLY big problem I am in her office STAT. And she knows that. And then he said well they bought up wanting the Sundays and how come she didn't ask. I got dumbfounded. I was like, I did. AND I GOT TURNED DOWN! And then you go and turn around and give them TO CHRISTEN? Who you HATED and were looking for ANY reason to get rid of her? WTF? So he then was like you know if you stay they have said you can a weekend day off, I'll just have a day off during the week. I was like what? NO! I started to cry and was like no that's so not fair because you're a supervisor and they have make it known to me on MORE than one occasion that I am not on your guys' level and I am just an operator w/ benefits. Oh I got so mad because here he was trying to BARGAIN with them and it still didn't matter. He was so awesome and I just feel so bad that he had to put with that when it's wasn't even his fight or his job. He said they really weren't giving with the examples of WHAT the problems were so he thinks that maybe they were just picking on whatever because there really is nothing hard core for them to complain about and that they were still mad at me for not becoming a supervisor. Errgg.... He was cool. He was like I want you to stay but I don't want you to be unhappy so it's up to you about what you do. After what he told me it was time for me to go and I WAS really not in the mood for them on Monday and had decided I was just going to not say anything and concentrate on getting through this week. Well right then, Kay, one of the nice and sweetest older ladies you will ever met, found out and came up to me and just told me she heard and had tears in her eyes and was so upset and gave me a hug. Then I just lost it and was completely bawling on the way to the parking lot. But at least the rest of my week went better (minus my bullshit meeting with the Cow & the Lackey but that was nothing but a total guilt trip for them). THAT was a surprise in and of itself because I ACTUALLY got to finish my week. The Hellspot is known for telling people to not even bother with their two weeks. So on my last day, I did what I normally did, took calls, delivered files and faxes. It was kinda like a regular day. And I got through ok. Even when I had to say good-bye to Lionel, Patty, & everyone else. It was my last call that got to me. I was confirming a stat call from the hospital and it was good. I hung up and yelled out, "Stat confirmed." And then that was it. I was done. Four plus years of my life, over. It was somewhat overwhelming and surreal. But what's done is done. And I made my choice and they made theirs. Good-bye Hellspot. I don't know what to think. It's A LOT of stuff they want me to learn. Say. Do. BE. And then there is my class, which about 90% (there are 12 of us) are under 25 years old. Of those HALF can't even buy liquor. I kinda feel like the old lady out and really haven't made any friends. Oh well. I don't know what to make of it. So it really hasn't been the best moral booster. I was never one to worry about age because some of my really good friends are younger than me. My one good friend Kristina is 19!! And my super kick ass D-Land girl, Robyn is 21! So I don't know. I did come realize though that the Hellspot kinda brainwashed me into not getting close to the other employees so maybe that's the reason because for so long, I've had to wait and see on who I can trust and who I let trust me. Oh well. The past week has been better though. My entire class and I kinda got separation anxiety and kinda attached ourselves to each other because it was our last week together before we got on the phones tomorrow and some of us go to the morning shift. We had a little get together on Friday at Applebee's where me & the PB (Pierced Boy) sat by each other. Insert cheesy giddy girly smile We were just talking and laughing and then Stayin' Alive came on and FOR SOME REASON we just started dancing in the booth. It was so fun! But it's kinda scary though how FAST these thoughts and feelings came on. It makes me question myself and wonder if I should get this giddy about something that may not happen. And then comes the "I KNOW he doesn't like girls like me" and "Why I am I even bothering with him cause he is too cute" stuff and all my other insecurities and doubts. I don't know. I am TRYING to be more....what's the wording I'm looking for? Open about what I want??? I don't know. But I've realized I hold back certain things. My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts. Not just with strangers but with everyone. I don't know why. Maybe I'm scared that seeing the ENTIRE me isn't something people will like. Maybe today isn't the best to think about stuff because I am kind of emotionally hormonal right now. The past couple of weeks haven't been fun so I haven't been taking my birth control. I keep forgetting. Well, when I got home tonight a lot of stuff just hit me and I started to cry. Sometimes I wonder if it IS hormones or if I just have so many issues I am NOT resolving that I need a therapist. Could have also been updating the CAST page. That was hard. Will talk about this weekend tomorrow. Wish me luck on the phones tomorrow!